The Cullen’s Moments of Randomness
by twilight782
Summary: The Cullens have always been quite a stange family, besides the fact theat they are vampires. Now their most embarresing, weird, and craziest moments are revieled in these chpters of petrifyingly funny stories!
1. Air Hockey

**A/N: This is my first fan fic so be nice!**

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Air Hockey**

**APOV**

"Rosalie, can I give you a make-over?" I asked for the eleventh time that day.

"No! I already told you. I spent like, ten whole minutes doing my hair this morning." Rosalie replied while filing her already perfect nails.

"Grrrrr..." I muttered. It was a sunny day today. To sunny to go to school. And I was sooooo bored. I already re-organized my make up, played EVERY board game in the house with Edward and Rosalie until it _I_ ever got bored and Esme says I can't go shopping. _Sorry dear._ Her words echoed on my head_. If someone saw you, they might think that you're skipping class. _No one seamed to want to do anything. Suddenly, an image appeared in my head.

_Wow..._ I thought. _This is probably the most stupid and crazy thing I have ever seen and will do. _

"... I think Jasper and Emmet will need our help pretty soon." I said between giggles. This would be interesting.

**JPOV**

Emmet and I were in the midst of an intense air hockey game. The puck was speeding down toward me but I shot it back at him. Waves of fury were rolling off Emmet at an almost unbearable rate. Emmet was always a sore loser. I was beating him by three points. _That just goes to show, _I thought to myself. _Strategy ALWAYS beats strength._ Almost as if he heard me, a slow growl emerged from Emmet's chest.

_**"ARRRAAGGGG!"**_ He shot the puck towards me with all his strength. The puck came straight toward my head. I ducked and turned around, to see the size of the hole that the puck would make in the wall. But instead of a huge crash, I heard a soft _spat! _The puck was sticking to the wall.

"Ummm... where is the... noise and the crashing... breaking... colapsing... eeehhhh..." Emmet said in a small voice.

I walked closer to the puck stuck to the wall. It almost looked like a giant piece of red bubble gum had been stuck to the walls. Then I realized what happened.

"Ummm... Emmet? I think when you hit the puck, that, it sort of ... well... melted. And now it's melted... to the wall." I said softly. He just nodded sheepishly next to me. We stood there, looking at the puck on the wall for a few moments, when I realized there was a small train of smoke trailing off of it. And, before I could react, it burst into flames.

Emmet screamed like a little girl and jumped on my shoulders. I soon joined his screaming, but in a less girly way. The flames started to crawl it's way up the wall. Emmet screamed even louder when a small spark almost hit his nose.

"AAAHHHHHHH! H-H-HELP MEEEEEE! MOMMY! FIRE! FIRE! **AAHHHHHHH!"** Emmet screeched.

_Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Fire! Fire! Were all gonna DIE! _I thought. In my panic I accidentally sent waves of terror and hopelessness toward Emmet. Big mistake. He screamed so loud I thought my ears would explode. Emmet's iron mussels gripped me even tighter, until I my bones felt like they were going to break.

_Someone help me!_ I thought in desperation. Underneath Emmet's screams of terror, I could have sworn that I heard music in the back-round. Superhero music.

**RPOV**

"Ok, Rosalie. Here's the video camera." It should start in about half a minute. Remember. Turn on the music when I give the word." Alice whispered to me. I nodded and flipped open the camera. Alice ran into her room to change, so I crept down to the bottom of the stairs and pressed the record button. Jasper and Emmet were playing air hockey.

_Poor Emmet, _I thought. _He's losing. Come on Emmet you can beat him! I know... oh what am I saying. Neither of them are going to win. I am! Ha ha ha! Oh, and Alice will win a little bit... Here comes the good part!_

"ARRRRGGGG!" Emmet shot the puck straight at Jasper's head.

_Man Emmets got some muscles! And now the puck is stuck to the wall. Alice was right. Emmet and Jasper do need help. Wow! The puck is on fire! Gasp! Is that my husband screaming? Geeze, Emmet sounds girly._

"Ok, Rosalie. Turn on the music." Alice said form the top of the stairs. I clicked the play button and superhero music filled the air.

"Never fear! Super Girl is here!" Alice dove off the top of the staircase, her red cape swishing behind her. Emmet and Jasper turned around and watched Alice stride toward them with to full buckets of water. She set them on the ground and struck a super pose.

"Do not be afraid. I will destroy this evil villain!" She picked up one of the buckets and threw the water on the fire. It sizzled and died down until only a small black spot was left on the white walls. Then Alice picked up the next bucket and threw it on Emmet and Jasper.

"I have conquered all. This house will be safe... for now!" She smiled smugly and put her hands on her hips like Superman. Just then Esme walked in with her gardening gloves and a shovel in her hand.

"Kids, are you ok? I heard sc... AHHH! MY WALLS! Theyareruined! Iworkedsohardtogettheperfecttextureonthatwallandnowthereisabigblackspotinthemiddleofit! Icantlivelikethis! EmmetandJasper,thishasyournameswrittenalloverit. Explaintomewhathappeded..." Esme started to talk so fast that no one could understand her.

_This is going to make a great home video. _I thought while rolling on the floor laughing.

**BPOV**

Edward drove me into his driveway after a long day of school.

"Thanks again for picking me up from school." I said to Edward

"Any time dearest." Edward squeezed my hand lightly. Suddenly, his brow furrowed and he glanced worriedly at his house.

"Is something wrong?" I asked as I stepped out of his car. But my question answered itself. I could faintly smell smoke in the air. My eyes widened and I glanced at Edward. He was already making his way to the house. I ran after him, almost tripping on a beetle. When I got to the door it was quite a scene to take in.

Alice was standing next to two empty buckets in a superman costume, her hands on her hips and a smug expression on her face. Esme was staring at a black spot on the wall, shouting something to fast for me to understand. Rosalie was lying on the ground, laughing so hard that she would have been crying if she could. Jasper was crouched on the ground with water dripping off his hair and looking around with embarrassment. Emmet was dry sobbing in a corner, also covered with water. On top of it all, Edward was laughing so hard, I thought I could feel the walls shaking.

This was one weird day.

**A/N: How'd you like it? Please review. I need at least 5 before continuing. Thanks!**


	2. Mr Spider's Wrath

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Mr. Spider's Wrath**

**BPOV**

My car's engine rumbled loudly, destroying the silence of the cool evening forest. I glanced at my clock, and it read 5:32. I was two minutes late for my surprise. Not that I wanted to go. But I had to. Because...

_**Flashback**_

_I paced around my room, wondering worriedly where Edward could be. This was one of the first mornings since he returned that he hasn't been here. Suddenly, my phone rang and I ran gracefully over my messy floor to the phone with out tripping or stumbling. Ok, ok. I really stumbled over to my phone and tripped twice before I reached it. _

_"Hello?" I said eagerly into the phone._

_"Good morning, Bella." My angel said into the phone. "Sorry I wasn't there this morning. Alice wanted me to help with her surprise. A surprise for you."_

_At that I sunk to the ground, clutching the phone so tight that my hands turned even whiter. I choked out the words, "S-surprise? For me?"_

_Edward chuckled into the phone and said, "Of course for my love. Who else? Well I know you don't like surprises. But, please come over at 5:30 sharp. It would mean the world to me." I could almost see him smiling my favorite crooked smile._

_"...ok..." I said dreamily. Is it even possible that Edward can dazzle my over the phone?_

_"Oh, and Alice says be there or face the consequences. Well, I'll see you then. I love you." He said._

_"I love you to." With that I hung up the phone and sighed. This would be a very long eight hours._

_**End Flashback**_

I parked my car in their driveway and braced myself for the worst. Pink and white balloons decorated the front porch. They had Alice written all over them. I walked up to the front door and knocked politely. Then I waited. And I waited some more. That was odd. Usually one of the Cullens opened the door before I was even done knocking.

So rang the doorbell and waited some more. What was taking them so long? I was starting to get worried so I pushed the door open.

"Hello?" I called into the silent house. The room was decorated with pink and white balloons and steamers. It looked as if the Cullens left in a hurry. I stepped into the house and closed the door behind me.

"Hello? Edward? Alice? ... Anyone?" I called out again. The house seemed so empty and eerie with out its beautiful and graceful inhabitance. My hands started to shake and get clammy.

"E-Emmet if this is some kind of nasty joke you'd better cut it out. It's not funny." No one answered. I could feel the tears coming, but I swallowed hard and kept looking. I crept quietly into their TV room. A bowl of chips and pretzels sat on the table. _Why would they leave so suddenly? Edward didn't even leave a note. _Suddenly, I heard a pitiful whimper coming from the kitchen.

"Jasper?" I inquired. I walked into the kitchen and saw the most amazing sight. All the Cullens were huddled in the corner of the kitchen, cowering in fear. They all looked terrified, as if they were meeting their doom. When I say Edward in the midst of the huddle I smiled and started to walk over to him.

"NO! B-Bella don't you come a step closer!" Edward yelled.

I was shocked. Edward had never yelled at me like that before. My eyes filled with tears and I whispered, "Wha…What?"

This time Esme said, "Oh, Bella darling don't cry. Please. It just that... that..." She shuddered and buried her face in Carlisle's shoulder.

Rosalie spoke up. "W-w-what were t-t-trying to say i-i-is..." she choked on her words and looked like she was going to faint.

I looked over the cowering vampires and asked, "Is it me? Do you want me to leave?"

"No Bella!" They all shouted at once. Jasper pointed at something on the floor with a trembling finger. I followed the Cullen's gazes to see the terrifying monster that they were afraid of.

"That's it? A spider? Seven _vampires _are afraid of one tiny spider, smaller then my toe nail? You can hunt grizzly bears and mountain lions but you can't even put a small spider outside? Or even squish it if you prefer." I asked disbelievingly. They just shuddered as an answer.

"I-I'm not scared of a S-saaa-spider." Emmet said 'bravely'. "I was just, ummm, trying to comfort my baby brother Jasper because he was sooo scared. He went crying to mommy about a big hairy monster!"

Jasper shot Emmet an icy glare and retorted, "You're not scared? YOU'RE NOT SCARED! You Mister 'Big Brother' are the one who almost cried when you saw the spider!"

I sighed and, just to show them how harmless spiders are, bent down and extended my finger so I could hold the big hairy monster.

"Bella, don't you dare touch that thing." Edward warned. But I ignored him and the tiny spider crawled onto my finger.

"Awww. See? He doesn't want to hurt anyone. Mr. Spider just got lost. Come on Mr. Spider, let's go find you a good home." I looked up to see the Cullens staring at me in amazement. I turned on my heel and marched out the back door. Edward and Alice followed me outside to watch me put Mr. Spider on a fern.

When Mr. Spider was out of sight, Alice ran up to be and gave me a bone crushing hug.

"Oh, Bella I can't believe you're alive! You saved us! Thank you, thank you, and thank you!" She shouted into my ear. Edward pulled her off of me and she walked back inside.

"Bella, Bella, my Bella. I can't believe you did that. That horrible monster was absolutely terrifying! Thank you again for save my family and I from that...s-spider." Edward told me.

He leaned in to give me a kiss, when we heard Emmet scream, "**EEEAAAHHHH! THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF MINY MR.SPIDERS IN THE KITCHEN!**

"Wow." I said. I guess Mr. Spider was actually a _Mrs._ Spider."

**A/N: That's the end of chapter 2. Please review! And tell me what you liked or did not like so I can fix it. If you have any ideas about random moments, don't be afraid to tell me. **


	3. Cheerleading Squad

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness **

**Cheerleading Squad **

**CPOV **

"Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie! Can you come here?" I said. They would be so glad when I tell them the wonderful news. Soon enough, they all come bounding gracefully down the stairs, with the exception of sweet little Bella.

"Yes, Carlisle?" They questioned.

"Well, I have an amazing surprise for all of you. I've realized that you sometimes get bored after school and do some ...unintelligible things." I glanced at Emmet and Jasper when I said this. Esme still hasn't completely forgiven them for the black blotch on the wall. "So, I have signed you all up for an extra curricular activity for after school."

"YESS!" Emmet shouted. "I've _always _wanted to try foot ball."

But Edward replied, "Are you kidding? We're going for track."

"Excuse me," Rosalie said, "but, we're all signed up for the Drama club."

Before they could start arguing, I cut in. "No, no. What I've signed you all up for is something you will all enjoy. I've signed you up for ch-"

**"YESSS! WHOOO! I LOVE IT! YESS" **Emmet stood up and started to happy dance.

"Emmet, he hasn't even said it yet." Alice whispered. Emmet looked around and sat back down. If he could blush, he would be redder than a ripe tomato.

"...as I was saying I signed you up for the cheerleading squad!" I said excitedly. Alice jumped four feet in the air and squealed in delight. Every one stayed in their seat, their mouths hanging open. I glanced at Bella. She was swaying back and fourth and suddenly fainted. Edward immediately started to spaz out.

"Bella! No Bella it will be alright. Emmet! Get me a cup of water!" Emmet ran to the kitchen, only to return with a huge bucket.

"Edward, I couldn't figure out how to turn on the faucet so I found a bucket of cranberry juice instead." He started to swing the bucket back to splash it on to Bella.

"No Emmet! Red stains white-" Too late. Emmet splashed the cranberry juice on Bella. Not only did it stain Bella's white sweater, it stained the white sofa, walls, and carpet.

**"EMMET YOU IDIOT!" **Edward screamed. **"WHEN ESME FINDS OUT-" **Just them Esme walked in the room with a duster in her hand.

"When Esme finds out **whaAAAAAAHHHHHH! EMMET! WHY DOES MY WHIT FURNITURE HAVE RED STAINS!?!" **Esme shouted

Emmet's eyes grew wide and he shrunk back to the red walls. "But the faucet...it wouldn't turn on." He begged.

**"That's it mister. You will clean every speck of that stain, until it is spotless. You hear me? SPOTLESS!" **Esme stormed off in to our bedroom. I've never seen Esme so angry before. All eyes turned to Emmet. His lip was trembling and his eyes would have been filled with tears .Emmet sunk down to the floor and looked helplessly around the room. Rosalie ran over to Emmet and put her arms around him.

"There, there honey. It'll be alright." Rosalie cooed. "I'll help you clean this up."

Emmet looked hopeful. "Really?" He asked with puppy eyes.

Rosalie shook her head. "No not really. I still have finish painting my nails. But you will be in my thoughts the whole time. Does that make you feel any better?"

Emmet sniffled and said, "A little..."

Bella spoke up "What about me? I'm still covered with cranberry juice."

"Don't worry darling. I'll take you home so you can clean up." Edward said lovingly. They gave each other a soft kiss and started to head out the door.

Before everyone cleared the room I reminded them, "Don't forget a bout cheerleading. Go to the gym after school. And don't you think about skipping. I told your coach to make sure your there or he will call my office."

Then I left the room and walked up stairs to my office. I sat down in my leather chair and thought_, Well, that went better then I expected_.

**A/N: That's the end of this chapter. Next one will be about tryouts. Please keep reviewing! **


	4. Cheerleading Squad Part 2

**A/N: I am sooooo sorry for not writing. I had the biggest writers block and I had to go to camp. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. But I have alot of new I deas for my stories.**

Disclaimer: (In the tune to Old McDonald)_ Stephine Myer owns a book and Twilight is it's title O! And-I-don't-own-it! And-I-don't-own-it! And-I-don't-own-it! And Twilight is it's title O'!_

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Cheerleading Squad Part 2**

**JPOV(Jessica)**

I sat on the gym floor, waiting for the coach to sart the tryouts. I really didn't like cheerleading, but I had to do some "sport" over the school year or I would be grounded for like, a month. Cheerleading seemed like the best choice to me. Plus, I heard a rumor that a few of the Cullens were trying out too.

Our cheerleading coach, Coach Adeer, walked in and shouted, "Ok, ladies. Lets start the tryouts with row call. Kayla?"

"Here"

"Elexis?"

"Here"

"Jessica?"

"Here!" I shouted with as much enthusiasum as possible. I wanted Coach Adeer to notice me before tryouts even started.

"Emmet?" Coach Adeer called out into the echoing gym. Everyone looked around the gym to see who that could be.

"Emmet Cullen?" She called out again. Suddenly, I realized who she was talking about.

I leaned over to my neighbor and said, "Hey, is'nt Emmet Cullen the big muscular one? What is he doing on the Cheer List?" She shrugged and turned her attention back to Coach Adeer.

Emmet appeared at the doorway and quickley said, "Here Coach Adeer." This would make the perfect gossip story. But, after Emmet sat down in the midst of all the girls, ALL the Cullens appeared at the door. This was WAY to good. Coach Adeer called Mr. Hottie Edward and he sat down right infront of me.

**EPOV**

"Edward?" Coach Adeer called.

"Here." I answered. Then I sat down, soon to be joined Bella and my family. While Coach called out everyone's names I noticed someone breathing on my back. It was Jessica. Why in the world was Jessica sniffing me? I read her mind and heard_, Mmmmm. Edward smells so good. I wonder what colonge he uses? Why hasent anyone noticed this before? Oh yea, thats right. He won't let any one besides his family or the rotton little Bella withen three feet of him. Mmmmm..._

Wow. Jessica was pathetic. I whispered to Bella about Jessica's sniffing. We giggled together and spread the word through out my family. Soon we were all laughing to ourselves.

"Alright ladies, and Cullen Boys. Lets get started. I will assighn you a partner who you will be warming up with a do a few practice exersises." Coach Adeer said. "Ok. Elexis and Brianna. Kayla and Sara. Bella and Emmet."

_What_! I thought. _There must be some mistake!_ But Coach continued.

"Wendy and Amanda. Katy and Danella. Edward and Jessica." _No, no, no! This is not right! _"Jasper, Alice and Rosalie will be a team of three because there is an uneven amount of poeple. Now choose a spot on the floor and start stretching with your partner."

I looked at Bella. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. "Edward! I thought I was going to be with you!"

"I know, Bella dear, I know. But it's only for one hour. Don't worry. Emmet will be gental." Bella shivered and turned to Emmet. Emmet grinned evily and dragged Bella to the center of the gym.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder so I turned around. It was none other than Jessica. "Hey Edward, it looks like we are partners." Jessica said. I suppose she was trying to look at me through her lashes but it ended up looking like she was half closing her eyes and her eyeballs were rolling aroung in the socket. I just nodded as we walked together to the corner of the gym.

"So, Edward. What made you deside to join cheerleading?" She asked while batting her eyelashes.

"Ummm..." I said while slowly backing up to the wall. "My father sighned me up." She giggled and reached down to touch her toes. I looked around the room and saw Bella crouched on the ground, with Emmet leaning above her. She seemed scared extereamly mortified. Jessica cleared her throught and I turned twards her.

"Edward, I think were sposed to be stretching. I can show you how _I _stretch." Jessica smiled and walked closer to me.

**BPOV**

Emmet dragged me to the center of the gym.

"Ok, Mr. Bellsterbob. Lets start stretching." He gave me an annoying smile and bent down to touch his toes. After about two seconds, he shot back up and said, "I'm bored do you wanna have a staring cantest?" He gave me a crooked grin but, instead of dazzling me, it pretty much freaked me out. "Oh, come on Belly-Welly, it will be fun! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!" Emmet started to hop up and down.

"Ok, ok. I'll have a stairing contest. Just please stop jumping. People are staring at us." I whispered. Emmet's bouncing had shook the gym floor.

Emmet rubbed his eyes and said, "1, 2, 3, GO!" His eyes widened and he loomed over me. I slowly sank to the ground as Emmet stared with penitrating eyes above me. His eye twitched and he crazily smiled. For a moment I forgot how to breath and blink. It's not everyday an inhuminy beautiful vampire is hovering over you, twitching, and with an crazy smile spead across his lips.

**APOV**

"Hey, you guys! I've got the **best **idea ever!" I squealed in the middle of stretching. Jasper and Rosalie looked up. "I'll be right back. Tell Coach Adeer that... I'm getting something from my locker. I've just got to pick up a coupple things from the store." They nodded confusedly. I left quickley for a human, and once I was out of the building, I ran at vampire speed to the store.

**JPOV**

I watched Alice run out the door. Rosalie sighed and pretended to stretch. I pulled my arm lightly across my chest. _I hope Alice doesn't get to carried away with this cheerleading thing._ I thought.

Coach Adeer walked up to me and said, "Jasper, where is Alice?"

I answered cooley, "She whent to get somethings from her locker. She will be back very soon."

Coach Adeer didn't seem to buy it. Suspision started to roll of her. She narrowed her eyes and she asked, "What exactley is she getting from her locker?"

"Ummm..." I thought quickly and said "Girl things...?" Coach Adeer nodded and whent to go yell at Emmet and Bella, whom weren't really stretching.

Rosalie turned twards me and raised her eyebrows. "Girl things? That's the best you got?"

I nervously rubbed my hands together and looked around the room for help. Everyone was preoccupied so I turned back to Rosalie. She still had the same intimidating look on her face. How does Emmet deal with this? "Ummm... I was put on the spot...?" I said nervously.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You could have at leaset spesified it by saying-"

I quickley cut her off. "I don't need to hear this!" I shouted. Everyone in the gym turned and looked at me. I duked my head and glared at Rosalie. She whent back to stretching as if nothing had happened. She quickly smiled at me as if to say _Oops. _I would get her for that.

**EPOV**

Jessica pretty much forsed me to do her 'daily routene exersises' with her. We started with touching our toes, sitting and standing, then stretching our arms. When ever I glanced a look at Bella Jessica would yell in a slightly paniced voice, "Edward, we're starting a diffrent stretch!"

I shot a quick glance at Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice. Alice was carrying three shopping bags that weere almost bursting with all the stuff inside of them. She was also talking to Coach Adeer. She nodded and all of them left into the hallways. Jessica panicked and claimed my attentin, once again.

**JPOV**

Alice came jogging back with three over-stuffed shopping bags. She was smiling like a mad woman. It was scary.

"Ok, guys! I've got all the supplies we need. Jasper can you-" She suddenly snapped into a trance. "Oh my gosh! This is terrible! What ever you do, **don't let Emmet join us.**" She said. "No matter how much he threatens, charms, or pleads."

I nodded slowley. Then Alice skipped off to Coach Adeer. I overheard her saying ,"Oh, Coach Adeer? Jasper, Rosalie and I have a very _special _cheer for everyone. And we were wondering if we could get canged into our coustumes." Coach Adeer nodded, and Alice pulled us into the hallway.

**BPOV**

Emmet stood over me, twitching and breathing hard. I finnaly got the courage to hide my face in my hands. Emmet stood up and said, "YESS! I WON!" He started to happy dance. It was VERY scary.

I suddenly realized something. "Emmet, do... well... _vampires," _I whispered the word. "even have to blink?" He stopped his scary hip shaking and turned twards me. His eyes grew wide and he folded his hands behind his back.

"Well... ummmm... no. It's sorda a habbit... like breathing." He said quietly. He looked down like a puppy caught chewing a shoe.

"HA! I WIN! YOU LOSE! YOU CHEATED SO I WIN!" I shouted. I started to do my victory dance when Coach Adeer called us all to the back of the gym.

"Alright everyone. We have a very special cheer that Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie will be performing. Please sit against the wall untill they are ready." She called out.

I hurried to meet Edward at the back of the gym, where he greeted my with a cold, yet so warm, enbrace. Butterflyies tickled my tummy when he kissed my hair and whispered, "I missed you darling." We sat down against the wall. Edward brought me closer to him and stroked my hair .

He leaned down to kiss me and when our lips met, I heard none other than Emmet shouting, "EWWWW! GROSS! NO PDA IN THE GYM! COACH ADEER! COME QUICK!" He started to jump up and down and pointed his finger at us. Edward groweled softly, but menisingly. Everyone turned tward us and I felt my cheeks grow warm. Edward set me gentaly on the floor and stood up to face Emmet.

Edward retorted back, "Emmet, I wouldn't shout to loud. Who knows what might happen to Super Diva Barbie? " Emmet turned even paler as laughter erupted through the gym.

"Uhhhh... I don't care. She means nothing to me." Emmet said as he folded his arms accross his chest.

"Or do you..." Edward smiled evily as he pulled a barbie doll out of his oversised pockets. He pinched it's rubber head until it looked like a pinheaded alien.

Emmet stuck his bottom lip out a shouted, "DON'T! YOU'RE HURTING HER!" Everone started laughing even louder. Emmet lunged for Edward but Edward ran out of the way.

"Emmet, I'd be carefull. One more time and Barbie's head might just 'fall' off."Edward said cooly.

Coach Adeer walked in at that moment. Emmet's face was scrunched up, as if he was crying. "Is there something wrong here boys?" Coach Adeer said. Emmet ran up to her and fell to his knees.

"Please stop that bad man! He took my Barbie! I want her baacckkkkkk!" Emmet sobbed. He buried his face in his hands and started to 'cry'.

"Coach Adeer, I'm very sorry this happened. It was all part of a silly dare. Emmets only _pretending _to love this Barbie. I'm very sorry for this disturbance so I will just throw this Barbie in the garbage." Edward said with a smirk on his face. Coach Adeer nodded with a confused look on her face.

Emmet fell to the ground and started to pund his fists on the floor. "IT IS MY DOLLY! IT'S NOT A DARE! I WANT HER BACK! WHAAAAA!" He curled up in a ball and started to rock back and forth. Coach Adeer started to say something but Edward quickly interupted.

"You see, Coach Adeer, if Emmet admitted this was a dare, his hair would be died pink. Thats why he's putting on such a show. I really hope you understand. Now 'Ill just get rid of this junk." Edward started to walk over to the trash can.

This was so funny. I was laughing so hard that my sides hurt. I know I should feel bad for Emmet 'crying' and all, but it was just so funny to see the most muscular and manly 'person' in the school, throwing a fit over one little Barbie doll.

When Edward was about to throw the doll into the trash can Emmet screamed, "**NOOOOO! SHE IS MY DOLL! I SWEAR! I PROMISE! I LOVE THAT DOLL! DON'T REMOVE HE FROM MY LIFE! I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!" **

Edward narrowed his eyes and said, "Now you've gone to far." The world seemed to go in slow motion for a minute. There wasn't a sond coming from the gym. I heard Emmet screamiong, "NOOOOOO!" as he leaped for the barblie doll. Edward's hand onece again started to slowly tug and the barbie'd head. It came off with a loud _pop! _that echoed through the gym. Emmet fell just short of the trash can. A gasp ran through the audience at this dramatic moment. Edward dropped the mutated barbie infront of Emmet and cooley walked back to his seat.

Emmet dodn't say a word after that. He picked up the barbie doll and cradeled it in his arms. He slowly walked outside, followed by the curious audience. I looked up at Edward, and he shrugged, as if to give me permission to see what was happening. I grabbed his cold hand and pulled him outside.

There was a half cirlce around Emmet, who was crouching on the ground, underneith a tall oak tree. I slipped thorugh the croud to see what Emmet was doing. He was digging a small rectangle hole in the ground with his big pale, hands. After a minute of digging, he lowered the de-headed Barbie Doll into the ground. He covered it with dirt and picked up a smoth rock sting beside him. I heared a scretching nosie, and then he set the rock over the mound of dirt. The rock said:

**Super Diva Barbie Doll**

**2000 - 2007**

**Best friend, sister, and the love of my life.**

**Rest in Pece.**

Everyone walked back inside, muttering this like, "Drama Queen", "Poor Barbie." and "That was a waste of time." I started to walk back inside. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and I snuggled up against his chest.

"Do you think I was to harsh?" He whispered.

I thought that over for a minute than answered, "No, of counse not. Emmets just a drama queen. He got was he deserved." Edward let out a sigh of relieve. Once again, we sat down against the wall and waited for Alice, Jasper, and Rosalies performance to start.

Coach Adeer walked up infornt of everyone and said, "Ok, we will now start the performance. I hope there will be no more interuptions. Now, give it up for Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie!" Applase rippled through the small cround and the lights suddenly flicked off.

A light appeared, but it wasn't the natural lights. A huge bonfire was set up in the middle of the gym. Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper all appeared from behind it. They were carrying toruches, three each.

I suddenly relized what they were wearing. Alice and Rosalie had long grass skirts on and a small orange tube top that exposed their stomak. They had no shoes on, only grass ankelets. On there wrists were wooden bead bracelets. Jasper was wearing the same thing, exept he had no top on, showing his muscular chest. They all had on elaborite face paint.

Alice looked like she was the only one enjoying it. She smiled and looked at the audience. "We will be performing, **the Fire Dance.**" she said dramaticly.

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing. I will continue with Cheerleading swuad part three. One of my good friends complained about the lack of fluff in my (cough, Lover of ALL Books, cough, cough.) So here is a tiny bit of fluff, only to be destoyed by Emmet. As always.**

**Emmet: Hey! I don't always destroy the fluffy moments!**

**Me: Yes... you do.**

**Emmet: HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS!?!**


	5. Cheerleading Squad Part 3

**A/N: Yes, I know. I'm finally updating. But don't blame me! Blame writers black.**

Disclaimer: Ok, I would like everyone to repeat after me. **I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, NEW MOON, ECLIPSE, OR ANY CHARICTERS FROM THOSE BOOKS.**

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Cheerleading Squad Part 3**

**EPOV**

Alice smiled evilly. She lit all her torches and started to juggle them. Rosalie and Jasper followed. What were they thinking? If they make one mistake… I can't even think about that.

_Edward, _Alice's thoughts ran through my head. _Everything will be fine. Don't worry about it. It's all under control. Just keep Emmet as far away as possible._

I clenched my teeth and tried to enjoy this. This let me tell you, was very hard to do. Most _regular_ vampires are naturally uneasy around fire. Oh, wait, I guess that explains.

Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice were now standing in a triangle and passing their torches between each other.

**BPOV**

Wow! I had no idea the Cullens could do a fire dance! Maybe Edward could show me… or maybe he would want to wear one of those outfits…

They suddenly broke out of their triangle. Alice grabbed a bottle and poured some liquid into her mouth. She spit it out onto one of the torches, so it looked like she was breathing fire. I heard gasps run through the audience.

Emmet suddenly appeared at the doorway. He was wearing a frown, but when her saw Alice, Jasper and Rosalie his face lit up with joy.

"I WANT TO JOIN!" He screamed. He ran over to the fire pit and started to dance. I think I'm scarred for life now.

Alice furiously whispered, "Emmet, get out of here before you get us all killed!"

But Emmet ignored her and grabbed a torch. He stuck one end of it in the fire, and soon he was waving around a torch as if he was a conductor.

Alice ran over to him and tried to snatch the torch out of his hands. Emmet, being Emmet, thought her could save himself by throwing the torch to the other side of the gym.

Now this was a very good tactic. Throw the thing you are trying to keep away, dive after it, then run away. I had seen Emmet perform his little trick many times. It would have worked this time, except for the fact that **IT WAS ON FIRE!**

The torch flew through the air, and landed right in front of the emergency exit. The floor suddenly burst into flames.

I screamed loudly, because I knew fire was one of the only things that vampires would have a hard time with. Edward stood up and pulled me up with him. Everyone one started to back up to the wall. My hands were shaking and I was almost to the point of hyperventilating.

Alice glared furiously at Emmet and shouted,** "Emmet, you idiot. You stupid piece of-"**

Jasper quickly interrupted. "Alice, this is no time for that. Ok, everyone. Do as I say, and don't complain."Sometimes I was very glad that Jasper was in the army.

"Emmet, break down the wall." Jasper ordered. When he hesitated Jasper shouted, "NOW!"

Emmet ran quickly to the wall and hit it with his stone shoulder. A sound like a cannon shot ran through the gym as Emmet's huge bulk hit the wall. The wall started to crumble until there was a huge gaping hole in the it.

"Alice, Rosalie, I need you guys to get everyone outside. Quickly, the building could collapse and second now. Emmet accidentally knocked down one of the main support poles." Jasper commanded. They nodded and started to usher everyone outside. I followed them, with Edward trailing close behind me.

Out side, the air was cool and refreshing. I looked around and saw that everyone had gotten out safely. Black smoke was billowing out of the gym roof. I sighed, and hugged Edward. He returned my embrace.

Suddenly Coach Adeer shouted, "No! I left my engagement ring in my office!" She darted back inside. I soon lost her form to the smoke.

Edward pulled away from me and ran in after her. "NO! EDWARD!" I cried. I was about to follow him but a cool hand grabbed mine.

"Bella, you can't go in there. The building might collapse!" Alice shouted.

I started to sob uncontrollably. _Edward's not safe. What about the fire? Will I ever see him again? _Thoughts raced through my mind.

Suddenly, I heard a terrible creaking noise. The roof started to slowly sing in. One of the walls collapsed. I buried my face into Alice's shoulder. The terrible nose continued, and finally stopped with a terrible CRASH!

I looked up to see the whole gym collapsed. Dust was thick in the air, so I could barley see two feet in front of me. Debris and shards of brick scattered what was left of the gym. But where was Coach Adeer? And more importantly, where was Edward?

**A/N: Ooooo… cliffhanger. Will Edward escape alive, or will the hungry embers finish him off? Part 4 coming soon.**


	6. Cheerleading Squad Part 4

**A/N: Ok, ok. A lot of people yelled at me for Edwards's cliffhanger-maybe-death. So I am officially deciding whether I should, or should not kill Edward. Let me think…umm…mmhmm…OK! I've got an idea! Enjoy this chapter!**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Myer owns Twilight, and I own this delicious cup of ice-cream that I am currently eating at the moment. By the time you read this, it will be gone.

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Cheerleading Squad Part 4**

**The Final Chapter**

**BPOV**

We waited in silence for my angel to appear. A minute passed. Three minutes. Ten minutes. Still no sign of him.

At last, Alice loosened her grip on my arm. I ran out into the rubble, calling Edward's name. The dust had finally settled on the blackened wreckage. I stumbled through the debris, hoping to find Edward. I faintly heard other people coming to join me, but I pushed that to the back of my mind. All that matters is finding Edward.

Cold rain fell from the cloudy sky. _Was it a sign? Was the sky crying for the loss of my heart? No. He's still alive._ I thought to myself. The rain slid down my cheeks, joining my salty tears. The last of the fire was being put out.

Through my tears, I thought I saw a pale, white hand under a black pile of wood.

"EDWARD!" I screamed. I started to tear at the wood, ignoring the pain and ache from my sore muscles. Soon, all the Cullens joined me. In a matter of seconds, all the wood had been removed. I saw Edward's face, black and burnt. My heart seemed to be ripped out of my chest.

Edward opened his eyes, and raised his trembling hand. I ran over to him and intertwined our cold fingers together.

"Edward…" I whispered.

"Isabella Swan." His voice was weak. "Even though this may be the last time I see you, I feel like I am still meeting you for the first time. You surprise me every day." He coughed, and then continued. "Bella, I want you to know that this was no one's fault. No one should feel guilty. And…" His voice became so weak that I could barley hear him. "I love you. I will still love you no matter where my soul ends up. If I have one. Now, keep living, don't give up, and always remember how much I love you."

He took a final gasp for air, and his eyes closed.

_**A/N: AHHH! I CAN'T KILL EDWARD! WHAT WAS I THINKING! I am so sorry for this mishap. Please keep reading to find out what really ****happens. Really sorry. Don't kill me…**_

A fine mist started to fall. I stared into the destroyed gym, waiting for a miracle to happen. After what seemed like hours, a shadow emerged from what was left of the gym. It was Edward, carrying what seemed to be a passed out coach.

**CPOV**

I walked into the room to see all my children gathered around our grand piano, watching Edward play Bella's lullaby. I paused in the doorway and listened to the beautiful music. When he finished, I walked silently into the room. Everyone simultaneously turned to look at me, except for Bella who probably didn't hear my walk in.

"Everyone, I have some great news. I got a letter from Coach Adder about cheerleading." I said. When no one responded, I continued. "I'll read the letter for you out loud. It reads:

_Dear the Cullen students,_

_I would like to thank you for trying out for cheerleading squad. Your efforts are greatly appreciated. Now as you may know, we do have a maximum amount of people who can join the cheerleading squad. _

_I will start with Jasper. During the fire you showed great courage and leadership. A cheerleader must know how to take action, and be strong. Congratulations Jasper, you have made the cheerleading team._

_Alice, your sprit and enthusiasm reaches everyone around you. A cheerleader must get the crowd ready for a great game by being peppy and loud. Congratulations Alice, you have made the cheerleading team._

_Rosalie, your beauty and grace shows throughout everything you do. You are a great role model by showing many people that it is possible to be beautiful, smart, and athletic. Congratulations Rosalie, you have made the cheerleading team._

_Edward, I would like to thank you for saving my life in the fire. I was not thinking when I went back in to the burning building, and you risked your life to save me. You have shown an amazing amount of bravery and quick thinking. Congratulations Edward, you have made the cheerleading team._

_And finally, Emmet. During the fire, you created a way to escape by knocking down a stone wall. You are obviously muscular, but sensitive at the same time. Congratulations Emmet, you have made cheerleading squad._

_Practice will be haled Monday thru Friday after school for one hour. You will get your uniforms on Wednesday. You will be getting more information on our first day of practice. And once again, congratulations._

_Sincerely,_

_Coach Adeer_

And that's her letter." I finished. I looked up to see everyone's mouth hanging open. I don't know why they were so surprised. _I_ expected them to make it.

**EPOV**

I cannot believe we just made cheerleading. I mean, we burned down the gym, for goodness sakes! I wonder if Bella made it? If she didn't why I'd-

_Ring! Ring! _Carlisle reached over and grabbed the noisy phone. He healed it close to his ear.

"Hello? ... Oh! Hi! … yes, she is… yes, I will tell her… good bye." Carlisle put the phone back onto the hook. He smiled warmly and looked back at us. "That was Charlie. He was calling to tell Bella that she made cheerleading!"

Bella gasped loudly. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fainted.

"BELLA!" I screamed. "Bella, it's ok. SOMEONE GET ME A GLASS OF WATER!"

"I'll get it!" Emmet said. He dashed off to the kitchen, only to return with a big, grey bucket.

"That had better not be cranberry juice." I warned.

He shook his head furiously and said, "It's _definitely _not cranberry juice. I made sure." He swung the bucket back and splashed it all over Bella and I. It dripped off us and landed onto the white couch. But this foul smelling liquid was not water. I may not be an expert in food, but I know the difference between water and-

Bella woke with a start. I hugged her tightly and wiped the putrid liquid off her face. She smiled and licked her lips. "Is this _grape juice_?" She asked.

At that moment, Esme walked in. She took one look at the mess and screamed, "**EMMET!!!!"**

**A/N: Sooo… how did you like this chapter? This is the last **_**cheerleading**_** chapter. Ok, I need your vote. Should the next chapter be about ****Emmet the flying squirrel****? Or should it be ****Alice tries to cook****? I want to review/vote! **


	7. Cheerleading Squad Epolaug

**A/N: I just **_**had **_**to add this. P.S. This is taking place when **_**all **_**the Cullen's are going to school. (Except for Esme and Carlisle, of course)**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, she owns New Moon, Eclipse, Alice, Bella, Edward… sigh… I wish _I_ owned Edward…

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Cheerleading Squad Epilog**

**Mike's POV**

I saw Bella the Cullen's enter the crowded lunch room. Edward whispered something into Bella's ear and she laughed heartily. He wrapped his arm around her delicate waste and she leaned her head against his chest.

_Why can't Bella lean on __**my **__chest? Why doesn't she laugh at __**my**__ jokes? Ohhh… I've got the perfect idea to get Bella to notice me…_

I stood up from my table and sauntered over to Bella, making sure to have an extra bounce in my step to make me look cool. I stopped in front of Bella and gave her a bright, wide grin. She flinched, probably because Edward was squeezing her too tightly.

"Hey Bella." I said in my deep voice. _Wow I sound hot. _I thought to myself. _Good thing I practiced at home. _

Edward started to shake with laughter. I glared at him, and he started to laugh harder. _What was wrong with me? I must have something on my face. _I thought. Alarmed, and slightly embarrassed, I started to rub my cheeks harshly.

"Umm… Mike? Are you ok?" Bella said. "Your voice sounds a bit horse and, I think you might have fleas or something…"

_What? FLEAS! _"Yea…ummm… do you want to hear this really funny joke that I heard the other day?" She shrugged and nodded. Suddenly, the giant Cullen ran up to me, Emmett was his name… I think…

"**I want to hear a joke, I want to hear a joke!" **He yelled in my face. I took a step back and cleared my throat.

"Ok… why did Bella cross the road? To get away from Edward!" I started to laugh really loud, hoping she would join me. Everyone gave me blank looks, except for Emmet.

"Ah, ha ha ha! To, ha ha, get away, ha, from EDWARD! AH HA HA!" Emmett's roaring laugh shook the cafeteria. I could feel my teeth rattle in my mouth. The blonde Cullen smacked Emmet on the back of the head, and he immediately obtained the same blank look as the rest of the Cullen's.

Slightly annoyed that I had Emmet laughing instead of Emmet, I tried again. "Well… I have another joke. Knock knock?

"Who's there?" Emmet eagerly replied.

"Banana." I said.

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?"

"knock-" I was about to get to the good part when the blonde interrupted.

"Can you _please _get on with it? We only have like, ten minutes left for lunch. Not that I'm going to eat anything…"

_Anorexic chick. _I thought. Suddenly, Edward burst out in laughter. Bella giggled a little, catching Edward's laughter. _Oh, come on! I tell Bella the funniest jokes in the universe, and she stays silent. Edward starts laughing at his own stupidity and she starts laughing too!_

I started to get real angry. Like real **real** angry. Like some one was messing with my emotions. Like I wanted to punch something… or _someone _real bad.

"You know what Edward, it's on. Meet me after school, in the parking lot." I raised my fists in a manly way.

Edward seemed to be kind of embarrassed. "Umm… I can't."

Yes! A denial! "Why, you scared? You chicken? Buck buck, BOCK!" I shouted in his face. Now he was getting angry. And it was kind of scary.

"No!" He shouted. "It's because… I have to go to cheerleading!" he seemed to deepen in color, if that was even possible.

I thought that was hilarious. Edward Cullen, THE Edward Cullen, in cheerleading? "Ha! You're in cheerleading? What a sissy! Ah ha ha!" I started to laugh really hard.

Bella opened he mouth as if to protest, but was cut off. Two hot girls came running up. One of them had long wavy black hair, pale skin, and dark blue eyes. The other had straight brown hair, and big brown eyes.

"We don't think cheerleading is stupid!" The pale one chirped while the one with brown hair nodded furiously.

"We _love _a man who's not afraid to tell the world what he likes." Said the brown haired one. They were looking at Edward with such lust, that I thought they would start to melt.

When there was a short pause, then Edward said, "Do I know who girls?" He looked at one then the other in confusion.

"Oh, he actually noticed us!" The paled one practically shouted. They started to shriek and jump in place. After a moment, she continued. "Well, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, you know nothing about us, but we know _all _about you." She winked and ran away.

The brown haired girl looked at Edward with wide eyes. Suddenly, she grabbed his hand and started to furiously write on it with sharpie. Then she ran after her friend.

I looked at Edward's pale hand. It said:

**Caroline's #:**

**777-7777**

**Call me!**

**(A/N: DO NOT actually call this #! I think it's the taxi #...)**

_ARRG! _I thought. _Why don't __**I **__have any stalkers?_

Edward stared after them for a moment, and then said, "… Anyways… are you going to finish that joke Mike, or what?"

I was so fed up with Edward and his perfect-ness that I wanted to start to cry. "Why do you always get the hot girls, Edward? Why can't I be popular for once?" I felt tears in my eyes. "I'm the one who deserves to be the most popular guy in school. I'm the one who deserves Bella."

To my surprise, I felt tears running down my cheeks. Why were my emotions going crazy? "_I'm _the one who deserves to be stalked my crazy, but totally hot girls."I realized everyone in the cafeteria was staring at me, so I shouted, "**Don't you have better things to do with your life than watch a high school boy have an emotional moment?" **With that I ran, sobbing, to the girl's bathroom.

**A/N: The lines are still open, so you can vote for which story you want me to post first: ****Alice tries to Cook**** and** **Emmet the Flying Squirrel! ****The two crazy stalkers are going to appear in a new story I'm writing, but they're not stalkers.)**


	8. Emmett the Flying Squirrel

**A/N: After a huge battle between the two stories you had a chance to vote for, Emmett the Flying Squirrel wins! So here it is…**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer: Here, twilight783. You can have the rights to Twilight.

Me: Really? Seriously?

Stephanie Myer: No not really. Mua ha ha ha!

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Emmett the Flying Squirrel**

**Alice POV**

I sat on Emmett's **(A/N: I'm spelling it right!) **and Rosalie's cushy bed and stared absentmindedly at the T.V screen. I blew stray hairs out of my eyes and rested my head on my hand. Emmett giggled quietly next to me, and squeezed Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles, a mutated teddy bear. Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles squeaked, and Emmet giggled some more.

"Hello. This is Nature Nate, coming to you live from Main. This is the endangered silver backed flying squirrel." The bored looking reporter said on the T.V. "It is just like any other flying squirrel, but it is silver." He held up a grey squirrel, and it chattered excitedly in his hand.

"Here is a short demonstration of the squirrel in motion." The T.V. flashed to a clip of a grey squirrel jumping from a tall branch on a tree. A thin membrane of skin stretched from its tiny paws, to its feet. It glided through the sky, slowly descending toward the ground. The squirrel landed, and then bounced away into the thick under growth.

I sighed and said exasperatedly, "Emmet, can I please go? Bella will be here any minute, and I need to get ready. And, seriously, when are you ever going to know about the eating habits of an endangered silver backed flying squirrel?"

Emmet took in a sharp breath intake and said, "How _dare _you insult the squirrel channel!" He clicked his tongue and shook his head back and forth.

I sighed, and turned my head back to the TV. "As you can see, the silver backed flying squirrel has a very gentle nature…" Nature Nate droned on. The grey squirrel suddenly bit his hand. "And-** WHAT THE F(**beep**)! GET THE D(**beep**) SQUIRRL OFF MY F(**beep**)ING HAND! S(**beep**)!**" Nature Nate yelled.

The squirrel's tiny white teeth dug into Nature Nate's skin until drops of red blood started to trickle down his wrist. Just seeing the luscious red blood on TV made the back of my throat tingle. I could feel my eyes widen, and I automatically held my breath. Realizing that I was watching TV, I exhaled.

The screen suddenly was grey, and had bold letters that said **THIS SHOW IS MOMENTARILY DISCONNECTED.** Emmett sighed dreamily next to me and said, "Gee, Nature Nate sure is lucky to be able to hold _and _get bitten by a flying squirrel. I sure do wish _I_ was Nature Nate." He sighed again, and squeezed Mr. Teddy-Fuzzles.

_Ding! _I could hear my idea bell ring in my head. "Well, Emmet, I can't grant that particular wish. But I can get you something a lot better…"

Emmett looked at me with wide, curious eyes and said, "What? What can you give me?" I smiled evilly, and Emmet quickly sputtered, "I know that look. There is no way I'm going to do whatever you are going to make me do even if it is voluntary and I really want to because I will get in to trouble because I saw your evil smile and everyone in the every universe in the universe know what that means-"

I sighed and smacked Emmett on the back of the head. He quieted down and I continued. "Emmett, I will not purposely get you into trouble. If you get yourself in trouble, that's your fault. Now do you want to be a flying squirrel or not?"

When Emmett heard that, he gasped in surprise. He swayed a little and said, "Could you really do that?" When I nodded he started to sway even harder. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fell backwards off the bed. With a _CRASH! _He landed on to the ground. I heard a splintering noise as the floor board groaned underneath the giant fall.

I peeked over the bed, at Emmet lying on the ground. His eyes were close and his tongue was hanging out of his mouth like dog. I heard the floor crack some more, and it suddenly fell through. He landed with an even bigger _CRASH! _in the kitchen. Pieces of wood and plaster were scattered around him.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Emmett get up you idiot. Vampires can't faint." I looked back down the hole and saw Emmett's eyes snap open.

"Oh yeah." He said. Then he stood up and brushed himself off. He ran his hands through his curly hair, making dust fall like snow around the kitchen. Esme appeared in the kitchen, and looked around at the mess. She started to breath really deep.

"Emmett, dear, I know how much you love to have fun, but do you have to destroy stuff on the way?" She asked in a sweet voice. Emmett blinked, probably surprised that he didn't get sent to the Voltori. Esme continued. "You know, I spend almost all my time cleaning, and I just refinished the kitchen. And it _did_ look very pretty. Well, run along. I'll clean it up." She smiled, and gently pushed Emmet out the door.

Emmet stumbled up the stairs, still silent from shock. Why didn't Esme explode? Emmet has already almost destroyed the house about twenty times.

I saw Esme walk slowly out the back door, to the edge of the forest. I ran to the window, and watched as Esme walked up to a thick tree. She stood looking at it for a moment, and a snarl suddenly emerged from her thought. She jumped up, and clung to the tree. Her white teeth started to dig into the thick bark. She tore at the branches, and started to pull out the leaves. My mouth opened in surprise as Esme jumped off the tree and landed on the ground. She suddenly ran at full speed into the tree. It splintered and fell to the ground with a crash. Esme jumped back on the tree and started to pull the thickest branches off the tree and eliminate them to dust.

All of a sudden, Esme backed off, and stood looking at the tree. She smoothed down her hair and walked back inside with a soft smile on her lips.

I turned around to see Emmett with the same surprise expression as me. "Wow." He whispered. "I thought Edward was the only one with anger issues."

I replied, "You're lucky the tree ended up looking that way and not you." Emmett shuddered and sat down, defeated, on the floor.

I rolled my eyes again, and dragged Emmett by the collar of his shirt into my bath room. I set him roughly into my make-over chair, and stood back to see what I was working with. Emmett would need glitter, mouse ears, a grey Tee and sweat pants, semi-permanent hair dye, face paint, eyeliner, cotton balls, fuzzy grey blankets, and lots of glue.

Luckily, I had that all on hand. Coincidentally. So I gathered my supplies from my makeup closet and dumped them on the counter in front of Emmett. He stared at it in loathing, and stuck his bottom lip out. I ignored him and shoved the grey T-shirt and pants into his chest.

"Here" I said. "Put this on." Emmet started to unzip his jeans, when I cried, **"Emmett! **_Please_ go into the changing room."

He shrugged and hobbled into my convenient, newly installed changing room. He shoved the curtain closed. I sighed, relieved that I didn't get caught in the most awkward and life threatening situation. Good thing Rosalie was packing for a two day hunting trip.

When Emmett came out dressed in all grey, I grabbed the grey hair die. Once every strand of Emmett's hair was silver, I moved on to the face paint. I dipped my brush into the grey paint, and smudged in along his hairline to his cheek bones. I added small black dashes to give the furry effect. Pink face paint became a squirrelly nose for Emmet, and black eyeliner became long whiskers. I grabbed the mouse ear headband and stuck it nicely behind Emmett's ears.

Next came the really fun part. I took the grey blanket and attached two of the corners to Emmett's ankles. Then I took the other two corners and attached them to his wrists. Next came the glue. I grabbed the bottle, and started to squeeze a neat oval into Emmett's stomach. The pungent order stung my nose, but I continued to squirt the white goop on anyways. Then I grabbed the cotton balls and started to stick them to the glue on Emmett.

Emmett fidgeted impatiently as I grabbed the final touch. Glitter! I removed the cap and stared at the tiny silver flecks. Then I stood on a chair so I could actually reach Emmett's head. Without hesitation, I tipped the giant bottle of silvery glitter over his head.

It fell like stardust over Emmett, clinging to his skin, clothes, and hair. After a super quick cleanup from the puddle of sparkles I made on the floor, I guided Emmet over to my mirror.

He gasped at his reflection. If he could cry, the bathroom would have been flooded by now. Emmett lifted his arms up too see his folds of "skin" stretched between his limbs.

I was suddenly being crushed in a bone crushing bear hug. "Thank you Alice! I love you I love you I love you!" He screamed in my ear. Then he paused and added "…As a sister of course…" probably thinking of easily jealous Rosalie in the next room.

After about a minute of choking, I was finally freed from my prison. Coughing, I stuttered, "Ok, ok. Just don't do anything rash or-" an image appeared in front of my eyes, cutting me off from the middle of my sentence.

By the time I was out of my daze, Emmett was already on his bed. I sprinted forward screaming, "_NOOOOOO_!" Which probably would have looked _awesome_ in slow motion. But Emmett sprung of his bed and crashed into his window. It smashed into a million gazillion little pieces and the earth was shattered by the most terrible ear piercing sound that will ever mean living-or not living- ears.

"**I believe I can fly! I believe I can be a flying squirrel! I-" **Emmett sung very off pitch. Before I could run to the window to see what happened a huge tremor shook the ground that almost knocked me off my feet. When I peered through the shattered window, I saw a devastatingly sad sight.

Dust swirled around the huge crater where Emmet was laying in. Everything within ten feet of the impact was covered in a thick blanket of dirt and shards of glass. But the thing that scared me most was the sight of Esme curled up in a small ball covered in glass and dirt.

There was silence for a second more when chaos broke out. I quickly hopped out the window and slid down the wall. Landing gracefully on the ground, I ran over to Esme where everyone but Emmett (who was still lying in his crater) was gathered around her. Carlisle was brushing the glass off Esme, saying in a slightly panicked voice, "Esme, Esme dear! What's wrong?"

Possibilities of what could have happened ran through my mind, but I wasn't sure what had happened. She slowly opened her eyes, dust falling from her dark lashes. A sigh ran out through the semi circle, but Esme still curled and a tight ball, even when Carlisle tried to lift her off the ground.

"Is it over?" She asked skeptically. Carlisle nodded furiously at a loss for words. Esme uncurled herself and a second gasp ran through the audience. All along, she hadn't been hurt, but she was protecting a small flower from being blown from smithereens.

The flower was a delicate white, the soft pedals curling gently. The center was a brilliant golden color, and a sweet odor wafted through the air. It still stood tall, the soil around it undisturbed.

Carlisle bent down and stroked Esme's dusty face. They smiled and kissed passionately. I turned away only to hear Edward whisper to confused Bella, "It's the same type flower Carlisle gave to Esme when he proposed. They're worth _thousands_ these days."

I remembered Emmett, who was still lying lifeless in the crater. I looked up to see him just crawling of the hole. His grey apparel was blackened under the thick amount of dirt that covered it. He shook out his hair and blubbered confusedly at the scene around him.

I sighed crossly, and watched as Esme broke away from Carlisle, walking slowly up to Emmett. He blinked slowly, his large eyes glazed over in innocence and guilt. But Esme wouldn't fall for that trick.

"Emmett dear, if you wanted to be a flying squirrel why didn't you just say so? I could have made you one faster that you can say '_goodbye Emmett.'_" Emmett furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and started to mumble something.

Before Emmett had a chance to finish, Esme furiously grabbed his muscled arm. He gaped his mouth open like a fish. With all her might, Esme pulled Emmett out of the trench, and into the air. She let go of his wrist at the peak of her throw, sending Emmett flying, just like he wished.

He screamed, throwing his arms out in frenzy. He soared for miles it seems, dust and dirt trailing off of him in a long tail. He disappeared into the wide forest, a muffled thump coming from somewhere in the distance.

I realized that my mouth had been hanging open, and I snapped it shut quickly. Esme cleared her throat, brushed off her gardening gloves, and hopped into the car. Taking her lead, Carlisle followed along with a hesitant Rosalie and Jasper.

I cleared my head and tried to concentrate on my favorite activity of the day. Cooking with Bella!

**A/N: ****I know, I know. I'm about five months late. But I will try to update more quickly! Alice tries to cook is already on the way!**


	9. Alice Tries to Cook

**A/N: Ok! Here's Alice tries to cook! And fyi: Bella is still human in this one. I think she will be a vampire in later ones but not yet.**

Disclaimer: I don't wanna put a disclaimer. No one likes disclaimers. Disclaimers are- _(slap) _**I don't own Twilight! **Please don't eat me…

**The Cullen's Moments of Randomness**

**Alice Tries to Cook**

**BPOV**

I wiped flour and chunky yogurt out of my eyes as I crouched on the sticky tiled floor. Then I peeled a slightly purple pickle slice off my jeans. _IZZSSSSSSSSSS! _The oven started to squeal and steam.

"Ok, Bella. All we need to do now is throw some raisins in there." Alice said calmly. She opened the overcrowded oven and threw multiple raisins into the massive, dripping, red lump. Green smoke started to fill the kitchen.

" Alice , I think you've gone too far!" I half screamed. Some nasty brown and yellow liquid started to drip off the ceiling. Was that the banana?

_BOOOOM! _I covered my face with my hands as grey spicy chicken wings flew out of the now demolished microwave. They landed with a sickening _CRUNCH! _against the stained wall, and fell into a puddle of… well… I'm not entirely sure what it fell into.

Ok, you are probably wondering how this all started. And I have a very good explanation! Here, let me show you…

_**~~~~~ REWIND! ~~~~~**_

"Don't worry, Bella. I'm only going to be gone for a day. I'm sure Alice and Emmet have _a lot_ in store for you." Edward said.

A beetle flew lazily past my ear. It turned and landed on my arm. Its midnight black shell reminded me of Edward's eyes, getting darker and darker every day he postponed his hunting trip. I held out my finger, and it slowly crawled upon it. Then I held the bug up and let it fly away. I glanced over at Esme, who was planting expensive looking plants in their front yard.

The wind rustled Edward's bronze hair, and made the surrounding leaves shiver. His perfectly wonderfully amazingly gorgeous features suddenly started to sparkle as the sun playfully peeked out from underneath the grey clouds.

I hugged Edward, to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He wrapped his cold arms around me, and I sighed.

"What's wrong darling?" He whispered in my ear.

I shrugged and answered, "I guess I'm just nervous about being alone with Alice and Emmet. You know how much trouble they can get into. And, why can't I just stay home? It's not like I need to be baby sat or anything."

Edward chuckled and replied, "Well Bella, to tell you the truth, I really don't think _you_ need babysitting. I think its Emmet and Alice that needs to be baby sat. I mean, Emmet almost set the house _and _the school on fire. And Alice … well… let's just say she sometimes gets some pretty strange ideas."

I laughed, and Edward soon joined me. _Wow, his laugh is amazing._ I thought to myself. I sighed and looked deeply into his eyes. 

I suddenly heard a huge crash, like twenty mirrors breaking. I quickly looked up at Emmett's window, and saw him jumping out of it. The broken shards of glass flew like daggers right to where Esme was tending her flowers. I gasped, even though I knew she wouldn't be hurt.

"**I believe I can fly! I believe I can be a flying squirrel! I-" **Emmett sung, very off pitch. There was a grey blanket tied around both wrists and ankles and sparkles coving every inch of Emmett's enormous body. He had grey animal ears attached to his hair, and whiskers painted on his cheeks.

But, unlike his wish, Emmett dropped like a stone. Dust flew up from his landing spot and the ground shook with incredible force. I fell backwards into Edwards arms because of the tremor. The world was silent for a moment after the collision. I held my breath, trying to find some conclusion of why Emmett would attempt anything so stupid and dangerous, _especially_ with Esme right under the window with her expansive tropical plants?

The dust cleared slowly, and then pandemonium broke out from every vampire in the clearing. Edward pulled my along to join the circle around Esme's garden. Carlisle was brushing the glass off Esme, saying in a slightly panicked voice, "Esme, Esme dear! What's wrong?"

Possibilities of what could have happened ran through my mind, but I wasn't sure what had happened. She slowly opened her eyes, dust falling from her dark lashes. A sigh ran out through the semi circle, but Esme still curled and a tight ball, even when Carlisle tried to lift her off the ground.

"Is it over?" She asked skeptically. Carlisle nodded furiously at a loss for words. Esme uncurled herself and a second gasp ran through the audience. All along, she hadn't been hurt, but she was protecting a small flower from being blown from smithereens.

The flower was a delicate white, the soft pedals curling gently. The center was a brilliant golden color, and a sweet odor wafted through the air. It still stood tall, the soil around it undisturbed.

Carlisle bent down and stroked Esme's dusty face. They smiled and kissed with such passion that I turned away embarrassedly. I looking up at Edward's sober face, I gave him a quizzical look. He looked down at me with a certain look in his eye, though I couldn't tell what.

"It's the same type flower Carlisle gave to Esme when he proposed. They're worth _thousands_ these days." Edward whispered to me as he led me by the waist to his front door. Suddenly he paused, and quickly looked over his shoulder with blinding speed. I looked too, just not as fast.

Esme was reaching into the hole Emmett was lodged into, and at first I thought she was helping him get up. But she suddenly pulled her arm back, sending Emmett flying. If I had blinked I would have missed it. He soared through the air, shock painted on his face, a scream escaping from his lungs.

He became a tiny dot on the horizon, but everyone else kept watching long after my human eyes lost sight of him. Edward sighed and shook his head. I suddenly noticed that most of the Cullen's had silently crept into their car without even giving a second thought of where Emmett might have landed.

"Come on Edward, Bella is looking more appetizing by the minute!" shouted Rosalie from the car. Even in a dirty T-shirt and ripped jeans, Rosalie still looked amazing. Edward shot her a death glare then gave me a last kiss and ran off to the car.

He turned around and said, "Bella, if anything happens, just try to call me. Although, we're going to an empty forest in Minnesota, so there might not be very good connection. I love you."

He smiled, and I waved him as he drove away with Jasper and Rosalie in one car, followed by Carlisle and Esme in a different car.

I sighed and turned around. Alice ran out of nowhere and grabbed my hand. "Come on, Bella, I've got a surprise!" She dragged me into the house, and into their kitchen.

It was transformed. Instead of looking new and unused, it was covered with cooking appliances of every kind. Toasters, blenders, recipe books, microwaves, cutting boards, utensils, bowls, and even some things that I couldn't even recognize filled the counterpace. There was also food covering every single utensil. I saw flour, sugar, vegetables, oats, apples, icing, and so much more.

"Umm… Alice? What's this all for?" I asked.

She giggled and said, "I'm going to cook for you, silly! This will be so much fun!" She started to hop up and down. She seemed so happy, that I didn't want to bust her bubble.

"Wow, that sounds… great!" I said nervously as I watched her flip open a thick cook book. She started to shuffle through the pages, muttering under her breath.

Alice pointed to a page and said, "Ah ha! It's perfect!" I walked over to where Alice was standing, and looked at the page she was pointing to. "Today we will make twice fried banana-tuna casserole with extremely spicy hot chicken wings and a shredded carrot and raisin pot pie to top it off. That sounds pretty good, right?" She looked at me hopefully.

What kind of cook book was she using? "Umm, wow! I mean all I can say is _wow_." I said truthfully. She smiled gleefully and danced over to the counter.

Setting the cook book down, she started to read the ingredients. "Alright, let's start with the pot pie so we can give it time to bake and cool, just like it says in the book." Well, I was glad she was making some sense. She ordered me to get the carrots out of the refrigerator and I obediently complied.

With blinding speed, Alice swiped a huge knife off the counter. I nervously watched as she placed the carrot on the counter and hovered the utensil above the carrot. Before I could stop her, Alice had smashed the knife onto the middle of the vegetable, splitting the carrot _and_ the knife right in half.

I gasped and quickly snatched all the pieces away from Alice. "Alice, let me show you how to cut a carrot." I said in a light voice. I hoped she didn't catch the frustration in my words. Getting a new knife, a cutting board to put over the deep scratch in the granite countertop, and another carrot, I showed Alice how to cut it into neat pieces.

She nodded and then grabbed the knife from me. Before I could blink, Alice had cut all the bags of carrots she had, which must have been close to 50 carrots. I gasped as she slowed down and put the carrot shreds in a metal baking pan. The orange carrot slices overflowed over the sides and towered way over the top.

"Now for the dough!" Alice said cheerfully before I had a chance to react. She grabbed a medium bowl, and clanged the red plastic loudly against the counter. Running over to the refrigerator, she opened the huge metal doors and I lost sight of her tiny stature.

Suddenly, ingredients started to fly out of the refrigerator. Strange blue liquid splattered against the back wall and peppers, onions and apples soared through the air and landed to the right of me. Multiple other ingredients took their turn to be chucked out of the refrigerator onto the floor, walls, or me.

Alice suddenly emerged from the refrigerator, carrying three cartons of eggs and a gallon of milk. She poured the milk into the bowl, and then added about thirty eggs with the shells still on to the mixture.

Realizing I was just standing in the middle of the kitchen doing nothing, Alice looked up at me. She smiled at me with an innocent gaze.

"Bella, can you get the flour and add it to the dough?" She asked. I nodded, thinking that it would be a simple job.

I walked to the other side of the room where huge sacks of flour, sugar, and salt were sitting. As I lifted the flour, my knees buckled under the weight. Just as I got control of my movements, a loud whirring noise started.

Turning swiftly, I saw Alice stick a fast moving and very complicated piece of machinery mixing the liquidly-crunchy slop of eggs and milk. Eggshells flew in every direction, crashing into walls, the ceiling, cooking utensils and me. One hit my nose and, in my surprise and pitiful athleticism, the bag of flour in my arms tipped over and fell to the tiled ground.

Flour dust filled the air, making me cough as I sputtered, "Alice! I think this might be a bad idea!" Threw the dust I could see Alice had already poured the carrots into the milk-egg bowl and was stuffing it into the oven.

"Nonsense!" She giggled as she pressed random buttons on the oven. I watched in a daze as Alice sped over to a huge steel door I hadn't noticed before that was at the back of her kitchen. She pulled open the heavy door as if it was a feather and a gust of cold air swept throughout the kitchen.

"You have a walk-in _freezer_?" I gasped in surprise. Alice only giggled from somewhere inside the freezer, her angelic voice echoing in the gigantic freezer. She walked out with an armful of icy/spicy chicken wings and shut the door with her foot. In an instant, she was prancing over to the microwave and stuffing the numerous wings into the too small box.

"Alice_…!"_ I warned her. She rolled her eyes, mumbled something about nagging that I couldn't exactly hear, and went along pressing any button she could find on the microwave. A high pitched humming filled the air as she turned on the microwave at full power and the time for five hours.

"_Alice_!" I screamed, but she ignored me.

"Common Bella! Let's make some twice fried banana tuna casserole!" Alice giggled and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to the counter where all of the ingredients had been mysteriously placed on the counter already. Alice excitedly dipped a banana in a bowl of strange brawn sauce.

"Alice…what's that?" I asked as politely as possible.

"A banana and soy sauce with milk in it!" She shouted enthusiastically. I paused a moment to watch Alice stir the banana around in the brew. "Alice, Umm, just a few things. Number 1, you're supposed to peel the banana before you cook with it." Alice looked at the banana then at me then back at the banana then back at me then back at the banana. She shrugged and tore the top half of the banana peel off then stuck the banana back into her mixture of milk and soy sauce.

I sighed and said "You have to peel it all the way." I said slightly frustrated that she didn't even know what to do with a banana. I mean it's a banana! Alice pouted for a second then forcefully grabbed the banana out of the bowl. It shot out of its peel and onto the ceiling like a firework.

An odd smell started to fill the kitchen, and I truthfully had no idea of what it was. Again, Alice flew to the refrigerator and started to pelt me with more ingredients while murmuring, "Raisins, raisins, where are those raisins?"

Some obviously overdue and chunky yogurt flew into my eyes. I gasped and stumbled backwards, right onto the bag of half open flour. Even stranger smells filled the air as I fell into the four bags, getting the dust into my eyes, nose, hair, everywhere.

I wiped flour and chunky yogurt out of my eyes as I crouched on the sticky tiled floor. Then I peeled a slightly purple pickle slice off my jeans. _IZZSSSSSSSSSS! _The oven started to squeal and steam.

"Ok, Bella. All we need to do now is throw some raisins in there." Alice said calmly. She opened the overcrowded oven and threw multiple raisins into the massive, dripping, red lump. Green smoke started to fill the kitchen.

" Alice , I think you've gone too far!" I half screamed. Some nasty brown and yellow liquid started to drip off the ceiling. Was that the banana?

_BOOOOM! _I covered my face with my hands as grey spicy chicken wings flew out of the now demolished microwave. They landed with a sickening _CRUNCH! _against the stained wall, and fell into a puddle of… well… I'm not entirely sure what it fell into.

And that is how it happened. I promise.

Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open with none other than Edward standing at the doorway.

"Oh, Bella I just came back to tell you not to let Alice…" Edward fell silent at the sight of the kitchen. Without a sound he turned around and marched back outside with a strange look on his face. After a short pause, Esme's piercing scream filled the air; **"**_**MY KITCHEN**__**!!!"**_

And I knew it was the end of me.

**A/N:**** I'm going to be nice today and tell you the name of the next chapter. It's "Emmett Freezes into the Future" And, if you were smart, you would know what it is about!**

**PS: See Emmett destroyed the fluffy moments **_**again!**_

**Emmett****: … … … …**

**Oh wait I forgot that Emmett is still lost in the forest…**


End file.
